The 4 Step Process to Overcome a Defeatist Attitude

There are times in life when it feels like you’re stuck running in a hamster wheel, running hard but getting nowhere.  Your thinking starts taking you down the rabbit hole and you find yourself believing that you have no control, that you’re never going to have an impact on the outcome … and resignation takes over as the default setting in everything you do.

That’s what’s known as fatalistic thinking. It’s like being trapped in a fog, unable to see a way forward and it makes you feel like no matter what you do, things will never change.

But don’t worry, there is a way out. You can break free and take control of your life and it’s much simpler than you think. It’s not about making huge changes overnight, nor about throwing everything out and starting from scratch. It’s about taking small, meaningful and deliberate steps that add up to a big difference.

As you start taking these steps you start to notice that you can take control of your thoughts and your life – that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get to it.

And as you get closer to the light you realise that you’re more hopeful, it feels like there’s less struggle and there’s more joy in every day.

So, what are these steps and are they really going to be simple to follow?

Step 1: Recognise Negative Thoughts

How connected are you to your thoughts? Do you catch yourself thinking things like ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ or ‘Nothing ever works out in my world?’. These are the types of thoughts that trap you in a cycle of negativity.

The first step to overcoming fatalistic thinking is to recognize your thoughts. You can’t change what you don’t notice.

Get curious about your reactions, thoughts and actions. If you’re sitting at your desk and something goes wrong, where does your mind go? Instead of spiralling into negative thoughts, frustration and all the things that could go wrong from here, take a deep breath, notice your thoughts and recognise your thought patterns.

Feel the weight of the words you fling at yourself, notice how your body reacts and where it stores the stress from the moment. Is your stomach clenched, your shoulders tense or your head aching? They’re all signs that the negativity is being internalized and trapped within your physical body.

If you need to, write down your negative thoughts on paper because sometimes, once they’re written down they can become easier to deal with. See your negative thoughts like wearing dark sunglasses indoors at night time. Recognising your negative thoughts is like taking those sunglasses off and experiencing the change in light. The world looks different, brighter and more hopeful.

This step is crucial. It’s the foundation for change and once you see the negative patterns, you can begin to break them.

Step 2: Challenge the Thoughts

Now that you’ve recognised your negative thoughts, it’s time to challenge them. This step is all about questioning the truth of the thoughts. Are things really as dire as your thoughts would have you believe? Most often, they’re not, they’re just thoughts and don’t actually resemble facts.

One of the easiest ways to challenge your thoughts is with questions like ‘is this always true?’ or ‘are there other ways to see this situation?’. Maybe the situation wasn’t a complete failure. Maybe there are some things you learned that you can apply in a different way. Maybe you’re not as bad as your thoughts would have you believe.

When you challenge your negative thoughts you weaken their power. They lose their grip and you start to see things differently. This step helps you to build a new, healthier mindset that is more aligned to the truth and that allows you to feel more in control and less defeated.

Step 3: Replace Defeatism with Positive Thoughts

The next step is to replace your challenged thoughts with positive ones. This doesn’t mean ignoring problems or pretending everything is perfect. It means finding a balanced, realistic perspective.

Think of your mind as a garden. The negative thoughts were weeds that you pulled out. Now, you’re going to plant flowers that will cultivate joy and colour for yourself every day. Your positive thoughts are like seeds that need to be nurtured for them to grow. Therefore, in this step it’s important to get into the habit of replacing any negative thoughts that arise with positive ones.

It can feel strange at first but as you practice it becomes normal to be your own loudest cheerleader. Before you know it, the positive thoughts take hold and start to come more naturally.

Remember, this isn’t about blind optimism. It’s about balance – acknowledging your challenges but them highlighting your strengths that will get you through.

Step 4: Take Action

Nothing happens if you don’t take action – without it, everything you’ve done to this point simply fizzles out and withers away. Positive thinking is powerful, but it’s the action that makes it real. This step is about moving forward, even in small ways.

If you want to move away from being stuck, then you have to create movement and step forward. Every action, no matter how tiny, builds momentum and confidence.

Start with something small. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, do one thing differently. Take a walk, call a friend, tackle a small task you’ve been avoiding. Action always breaks the cycle of negative thinking because you move from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’ to ‘I’ve done’.

Remember, the goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to get moving and make progress. Every step counts – every step is a success in its own right. Taking action helps you build a happier, more fulfilling life.

Start small, keep moving and watch your happiness grow. Think of it like turning a grey day into a sunny one. Once you experience the weight that lifts from your shoulders and the space and clarity that becomes available in your mind you’ll be addicted to the power that comes with overruling fatalistic thoughts.

Your life, your choice, your thoughts. What will you choose to experience differently today?

Written by Bronwen Sciortino, CEO & Founder of sheIQ Life and is proudly based in Perth, Western

Australia. Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author & Simplicity Expert and provides in-depth insights into simplifying health and wellness solutions. If you're a busy, stressed and overwhelmed individual you'll benefit from Bronwen's knowledge on how to create simple, practical and easy steps to live life in a very different way. As a leader in the health & wellness industry, Bronwen’s books and programs have received international critical acclaim and 5-star reviews and she is sought as a media expert globally.

Claim a free 15 minute Executive Coaching call by emailing bsciortino@sheiqlife.com and quoting ‘The Industry Leaders’

Read more about Bronwen Sciortino