Pressure on high-achieving executives is immense: How to stop your career becoming the breakdown catalyst for your relationship

Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, divorce lawyer, relationship coach and author on the role businessess have to play in relationships

Here's an uncomfortable truth I've learned from more than 30 years in the divorce trenches: you can be spectacularly successful at work while completely missing the strain it is putting on your relationship at home. 

I've worked with high-achieving executives, entrepreneurs and founders who can spot business trouble at 50 paces. Falling revenues. Unhappy clients. Key employee about to leave. They spot the warning signs early and act fast. Yet at home they're far less vigilant.

Shockingly, I was one of those people. Despite decades at the ringside of watching family breakdown, I missed the warning signs in my own marriage. So I know how easily it can happen. And here’s why I want to help you spot the warning signs I missed, so you never need to reach my office.

Is your career piling too much pressure on your relationship?

I see this a lot in my work. A demanding career rarely strains a relationship overnight. It happens through a thousand tiny absences, while you’re busy succeeding at work.

And it's not just the long hours. The qualities that make you successful at work – drive, ambition, laser-sharp focus and relentless work ethic aren't always quite so brilliant to live with.

Work gets your energy, best thinking and your most switched-on self. Your partner gets what’s left. Stress shortens your temper. Exhaustion kills conversation and intimacy. Your phone follows you to dinner and into bed. You're physically home, but your brain isn’t. 

Home chats revolve around logistics, kids and bills rather than each other. The kisses, fun chats, sex and time together become less frequent. You can become brilliant at running a household together but forget how to be a couple.

That's what I call relationship drift: the slow erosion of the small moments of attention, affection and connection that keep you close.

Your move? Notice what's disappeared. Pick one and bring a little of it back today. Spot the drift early and start reconnecting while the gap between you is still small.

What makes pressure at the top different?

Senior executives don't necessarily work harder than everyone else. But pressures at the top carry a different weight and responsibilities, especially when the buck stops with you. Employees, shareholders, clients, targets and sometimes millions of pounds ride on your decisions. You're more visible, more accountable and there are fewer people to pass the difficult decisions on to.

Then there's the expectation of being constantly available. Another crisis. Another deal. Another decision that apparently can't wait. Switching off can start to feel almost irresponsible.

But here's what often gets overlooked: you may carry the responsibility at work, but your family can often end up carrying some of its weight too. Your partner picks up the slack when meetings run late. Family plans bend around your diary, holidays get interrupted and inevitably some of your stress walks through the front door with you. Over time, your partner can end up holding everything together at home while you're holding everything together at work.

Your move? Say thank you to your partner. I know how easy it is to forget and assume they know you appreciate them, but hearing it matters. Then over the weekend, offer to take one thing off their plate too.

Built the business yourself?

For founders, there's another layer of pressure. The business isn't simply a job. It's your ‘baby’ and who you are. You've built it, funded it, worried about it at 3am and perhaps risked everything for it. Your identity, finances and future may be tied up in its success; switching off can feel almost impossible.

But your partner may carry some of that risk too. They may have supported you through years of uncertainty, picked up more at home, sacrificed their own career or watched family money go into the company. I’ve seen businesses become the third person in relationships – always there, always demanding something and frequently coming first.

And if the relationship should break down, things can get very messy. Family money, shares, business ownership and even the future of the company can all become part of the fallout, especially if your partner helped build or fund the business. Protecting your relationship is key to helping protect the business you've worked so hard to create.

Your move? Create one boundary the business can’t cross: a phone-free dinner, one protected evening a week or a few days on holiday where work is completely off-limits.

When the boundaries blur: work comes home and relationship troubles follow you to work

The lines between work and home have never been easier to cross. And the traffic goes both ways.

Work comes home through the late-night emails, calls over dinner, cancelled family plans or  interrupted holidays. You’re home, but your head’s still at work. 

What many don’t realise is that trouble at home follows you into work. A row ruins your sleep or an upsetting text lands just before a big meeting. Suddenly, the problem at home is sitting beside you at your desk. 

Some of the loneliest people I've encountered aren't single. They're lying inches from the person they love, feeling completely alone.

If you're separating then lawyers, financial worries, childcare arrangements and difficult decisions compete for your attention while you're still expected to lead, perform and make sound decisions. Don’t let pressure in one part of your life make you neglect the other.

Your move? Plug one leak. Stop emails after a certain time, protect dinner, or ring-fence one evening for you both to hold hands and reconnect. Sometimes the quickest way to feel closer to your partner is simply to stop letting work get between you.

You track business performance but what about tracking your relationship satisfaction?

High achievers are brilliant at spotting warning signs at work. So bring that same early-warning thinking home. Don't wait for a crisis. Ask regularly: ’How are we doing?’, ‘What’s one thing I can do today to make you smile?’ 

Then do the difficult bit: listen without defending yourself or rushing to fix things. Your relationship just needs more of you, fully there and fully present.

Your move: Put couple time in the diary and protect it fiercely. Take a short walk together, play a board game. And don't underestimate the value in tiny daily habits. Make their morning cuppa or favourite drink, send that affectionate text. Small things keep you connected.

If your relationship is in serious trouble, how do you contain the fallout?

Act early, get good legal and emotional support; tell one or two trusted people at work if you need some flexibility. At home, contain the conflict. Don’t let difficult conversations take over every evening. Agree when you’ll discuss the big issues, don’t fire off angry texts or emails in the heat of the moment and, if you’re going round in circles, bring in professional help.

Also, seek early advice about how your finances, shares and business could be affected if you decide to separate. 

Your move? Protect your working day. Protect your sleep as much as possible and delegate or postpone non-essential work when you’re under extreme pressure.

Companies should do more to support the wellbeing of their employees' relationships

There is a strong business case to do so. It is widely accepted that physical and mental wellbeing affect how we perform at work, so why should relationship wellbeing be any different?

Relationship problems do spill over into work. According to research in Personnel Psychology up to 57% of participants in two studies who were going through divorce said it negatively affected their work. I've seen how this can drain focus, energy and judgement in an individual and so ultimately impact their performance and productivity.

Supporting relationship wellbeing isn’t corporate meddling. It’s recognising that when people are happier and more supported at home, they bring more focus, energy and resilience to work.

Your move? Look after the person, not just the employee and the business benefits greatly too.

What should companies do differently? 

The biggest shift I'd like to see is towards prevention, not just crisis management. Don’t wait until a relationship is in trouble before offering support. Companies already invest heavily in physical and mental wellbeing, and I believe relationship wellbeing should be part of that conversation too.

Yes, offer counselling or coaching and other support initiatives during separation or family crisis, but why not also offer practical relationship talks and workshops before they get to that point? Help employees spot relationship drift, set better boundaries and stay connected when work becomes relentless.

After 30 years dealing with relationship breakdown, I know prevention is far easier than rescue once someone has already checked out. 

Your move? Don’t just support relationship breakdown. Help prevent it.

Every strong relationship needs good negotiators

Two different people with different needs, priorities and pressures, mean relationships involve negotiation every single day.

I’ve found that good negotiators at work have a head start at home, because they know how to listen, manage their emotions and understand their partner’s point of view. Surprisingly though, many of them forget to bring those skills home with them from the office.

Your move: Focus on getting good outcomes, not winning the argument. Don’t let career success come at the price of relationship failure.

Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart is a divorce lawyer, relationship expert and author of ‘How to Stay Together: 12 Daily Habits to Strengthen Your Relationship’ (Octopus), which launches on 21 January 2027

Connect with Sheela at sheelamackintoshstewart.com